Note: This is a Personal Blah Blah Blah. I jus’ wanted to analyze what went wrong today and get it off my mind.

Today, I am feeling really miserable. I want to hit something very very hard, but don’t want to hurt my hand! I have been giving a series of exams to obtain a certification called APICS CPIM (Certified in Production and Inventory Management). I gave my first exam last year in May. It was pretty easy and didn’t require much preparation, maybe because I had taken a class which taught me all the basics. Then I kept postponing the idea of giving my second exam for quite some time. Finally, decided to give in December 2009. Finished my semester, studied for a day or two and cleared the second exam too. After this, I went back to India for the winter holidays.

After returning from the vacation, I decided I will write the 3rd Exam. Took up a date in February, again studied for a day and wrote the exam. This time around, unlike the last two times, lady luck refused to stand by my side. Failed the exam by a mark. Felt bad. But I didn’t want to give up. Registered for the 4th exam, coz I can’t give the 3rd exam for a month. Postponed it twice, due to Spring Break and stuff. Then, finally gave it today morning. With more preparation than the last 3 exams. Guess, I studied for 3-4 days. Read all the chapters once, attempted the practice questions and all. But it was not enough. Failed the exam, miserably, by 6 marks. It proved me that I had under estimated what was in store. It feels so very miserable to fail. Feels like I am so incapable! Failing once can be accepted, twice is really bad. Maybe I am rushing it. But, it has been a year since I started and I didn’t want to delay it further. I still feel rushing it was not a mistake, but the lack of preparation was. I needed this failure. Learnt very valuable lessons, though costly lessons.

Laziness has done its damage. My concentration capacity has deteriorated very badly. I am getting distracted so easily by anything and everything. I am unable to stop myself from doing more than one thing. My mind flutters everywhere, it wants to do 100 things at the same time. I know, multi-tasking has its own benefits, but for the moment I think it is better if I train my mind to concentrate completely on one particular thing. I am going to avoid being on FB or even GTalk, logged in all the time. I have blocked FB and Orkut, so that I can use my time constructively and get rid of the addiction. Hope this time around I change my bad habits and prevent them from doing more damage. Hope something good happens soon. At this moment, it still feels so miserable.